It has been an interesting few days since the last blog. Sorry if I repeat anything. I don't look back on my older posts before I put a new one up. I suppose it won't hurt to repeat things though, you never know who is reading for the first time.
I had some lovely feedback on my last post. A couple of lovely comments, and other messages on Facebook too.
It's a weird feeling though, getting praise. And even more weird is being able to accept it. For such a long time, I have been very uncomfortable receiving compliments and I have subconsciously rebelled against it. I've gone out of my way to do things that I can criticise myself for or feel bad about.
Earlier this year, I had a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. That has helped me so much! Even though I still show signs of the old me, I am much better than I was. I can say "Thank you" to a compliment now, rather than something derogatory about myself.
"Oh well done, Graham! You've lost 5 lbs this week!"
"Would have been more if I hadn't had a meltdown / caved into the chocolates / ordered that pizza" or whatever I could find to say it wasn't as good as it should have been. The feeling of not being good enough is a problem that has plagued me throughout my life.
My parents' idea of motivation was to drive me on to be as good as I could be. That's not wrong in itself. However, the effect it had on me was a negative one. If I got 10 A grades and a B on my school reports, they'd concentrate on the B that I got and ignore the successful parts of the report.
I do not blame my parents for what's happened to me mentally, they did what they did because they thought that would stand me in good stead. They weren't to know that I would subconsciously collapse under the pressure of expectation. A lot of that expectation I have put on myself too. The CBT has helped a huge amount to let me get over that, at least in part.
I'm pretty sure that this is why I've lost more than 4 stones on 4 different occasions in my life. If I'm not "failing", I'll go out of my way to make sure I do. I'm hoping that number 5 will be the last time I lose a large amount of weight.
The hypnotherapy session has already paid off at least 6 times. By that I mean that I have successfully fought off the urge to binge on 6 different occasions in the 11 days since I had my session. That sense of achievement and the power to say no has been wonderful, so freeing.
There have been times that I haven't been able to say no, but I guess that's always going to happen. It's about learning to draw a line under it, and forgive yourself, and move on. That is behaviour that can be learnt.
So this week, here are a couple of snaps of meals I've had.
I used balsamic vinegar as a dressing. Just 2.5 syns for the yummy tomatoes
<< Pasta and tuna with little gem lettuce, pickled onions, 2 syns worth of sun-dried tomatoes, grated carrot, red onion and 1.5 syns of lighter than light mayonnaise.>> 3 Tesco Healthy Living 1 syn Cumberland sausages, two bacon medallions, Slimming World chips (1.5 syns of oil), beans and an onion omelette.
And the result of this week's efforts? A nice, healthy weight loss !
Plus I got a lovely little cuddle with this beautiful young lady. This is Grace, 3 weeks old and just perfect. She's the daughter of another Slimming World member. A lovely way to start the weekend.
Today, I've started a new plan.
I'm abandoning my Saturday treat night and trying to keep to 15 syns a day (I'm on 25 officially). But the biggest change I'm going to make is that I am going to use my syns for cooking. I believe that the best way to stick to any sort of diet is to make it feel as much like normal eating as you can.
I've had a small Skyr yoghurt too - 1 syn (high in protein and delicious)
I've got some vegetable and chicken soup to have for the next few days. I'm going to do some "cooked breakfast in tupperware" to take to work. Then it's just a case of planning the evening meals. I'll let you know what I get up to :)
Stay safe, and forgive yourself if you falter.
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